5-6-7 Go to Heaven.

The grooves we've worn in our mind map are SOOO easy to get back into. The whole point of this 40 days is to be HAPPY about my sadhana. To get a little something done on my mat each day and enjoy that process rather than scolding myself and wishing it were better or more like someone elses...or like that...or whatever.

It's not like that. It's like this. It's my practice. And it's like this. It's usually not first thing in the morning. It's usually a struggle to get myself on the mat. It's just like this. It doesn't mean it's a bad practice or I'm a bad yogi. It's just like this now. I sometimes feel really blissful but often feel itchy and want to give up most of the time. It's ok. It's just like this now. And this is OK. This practice, this person I am and am becoming is like this. And this is OK.

So days 5-7 are done.

I had someone talking to me about writing a mission statement for his life the other day. Not his professional life...just his time on this planet...what is he doing here, what is his focus....I like this idea. I am in a period of transition in many areas of my life and I think a mission statement might help to make me feel more directed and grounded. I know my Saturn Return is coming up here very soon....and I think a mission statement might help to smooth any bumps or potholes that might bring up. So, I think I'll be writing a mission statement. It needs to be concise, applicable and specific. Any ideas?

Trying to Find the Flow. Day 4.

Today was another just-get-through-it kind of day. I got up this morning and thought it would be nice to have my breakfast and my coffee before doing my meditations. I had a pretty laid back morning so I had plenty of time. Somehow though I still managed to wait until the last possible moment to get myself to my mat. Oh, life.

Japji. 11 minutes of Wahe Wahe Wahe Guru. 11 minutes of house cleaning. Done.

I've been thinking about habits lately. I recently heard a story from a very smart lady about how she quit smoking. She was able to quit when she stopped shaming herself and telling herself all of the reasons she should stop smoking. She was able to quit when she started telling herself and others all of the reasons she wanted to smoke, all of the things smoking was doing for her.

We create our habits because those particular patterns of behavior were serving us in some way. When we are ready to change or drop a habit we must first choose to clearly see the old habit and identify exactly what need it was serving for us. When we do this we can actually LOVE those habits and the way they served us for a time...and we can recognize honestly, that we no longer need them to serve that particular need.

So, thats what's been on my mind today....what exact need has been served by my avoidance of a daily practice? How have I been nurturing, protecting or in some other way fulfilling myself by starting and stopping various sadhanas? How am I serving myself by sleeping in rather than meditating in the mornings? I don't yet have the answer....stay tuned. :)

Day 3. Growth from Steadiness.

Thursdays are great. My schedule is such that on Thursdays I can walk to my various work places...and today we have the added bonus that it is sunny and warm. Hooray!

So I've done about an hour of Breathwalk so far today. Breathwalk is a combination of walking with specific breath patterns and mantras. I always feel SO good doing breathwalk it creates that perfect combination of alert and relaxed yumminess. I also chanted Japji outside today. Sitting in the sunshine, repeating God's name....I mean, seriously, does it get any better?

Today I've been reflecting on and am grateful for the vast variety of techniques available to me as a Kundalini Yogi. Walking meditation, still meditation, moving meditation, quiet meditation, chanting meditation...and on and on. Sometimes the array of techniques can feel overwhelming (how will I ever get to it all???) but I remind myself that the true growth comes from steadiness, from making the commitment each day to examine my mind, to clean the windows of my soul and decide in THIS moment and with THIS breath to reach for the highest vibration of my destiny. Yes, there are many MANY ways to do this. And today I choose to continue on that journey.

Wahe Guru! (Indescribable is the ecstasy of emerging from the darkness into the light)

Ug...Day 2.

Wednesdays are tough days for me to get my practice in the morning...and when I don't do it in the morning it's tough to get motivated to do it later in the day. Yogi Bhajan used to called excuses Self Abuse. So, no excuses. I just barley snuck in my practice today at 10:30pm. Read Japji and did 11min of the Wahe Guru meditation.

Honestly, didn't feel that great during...or after. But this is part of committing to daily practice. Showing up, sitting down and diving in....no matter what it looks like. So, there ya go. Day 2 done.

Whew.

Day 1

It's amazing to me how much resistance shows up sometimes. Today I planned to wake up a bit early to get my sadhana done...not super early...not 3am....just 6:30am. Even so, when my alarm went off it was suddenly like I hadn't actually slept all night and I needed just a few more minutes...and maybe a few more....and...

But, eventually, I did get up and get myself on my mat. Reading Japji is like coming home and catching up with an old friend. There is something SO comfortable and familiar in the sound current...but somehow it is still new, exciting and inspiring. Then I was on to the Camel-Rock-Baby set. This is a 3 pose yoga set that many people I know practice and swear it has totally transformed their life/energy. Since I've been having some energy imbalances it felt like a good kriya for today. For those of you non-yogis Camel pose is basically a back bend from a kneeling position where you reach back and grab your heels. I only practiced 3 minutes in each postion....but still, the amount of energy released and the clarity after 3 minutes of camel pose was awesome. Then sitting in Rock Pose for 3 minutes I could feel that huge expansiveness settling into my body. Finally Baby Pose (with the forehead on the ground) created a sense of bowing and honoring that was cozy and peaceful.

Time for another true confession: I am not a super-neat housekeeper. I hate washing dishes and tend to be in and out of my house so quickly that clutter and stuff just sort of piles up. So, I've decided that sometimes cleaning can be a part of my sadhana. Because I do really feel much better when my home in neat and clean...I think it makes my mind clearer and allows me to be more relaxed. (I'm sure you Feng Shui people would back me up on this). So the 3rd element of my sadhana today was 11 minutes of dish washing. I chanted Sa Ta Na Ma while I washed and tried to approach it as a moving meditation....I'm still working on it.

Finally I ended with 11 minutes of the Wahe Guru Meditation for unattached involvement. This is a big one for me. In the past when I've worked to develop my neutral mind sometimes I let the pendulum swing past unattached/neutral and all the way to detached/indifferent. While at first indifferent seems more desirable than angry, sad or reactive....in reality it is an equally painful place to reside. Because when we are indifferent our existence in this world seems meaningless and trite. I know in my heart that I can live fully in this world, create meaningful relationships and experiences and at the same time not be attached or defined by those things. I am in the process of surrendering to that knowledge and developing the confidence in God to live in that place.

Day 1 down...and looking forward to the next 39....and beyond....

Happiness Sadhana

One of the cornerstones of the practice of Kundalini Yoga is daily sadhana. Sadhana has been translated in many ways....but for me it means committing to myself and deciding each (and every) day to show up and honor myself and this awesome Universe.

However, daily sadhana has always been a challenge for me. I sometimes have some guilt or shame around admitting that fact. After all I have been teaching and practicing Kundalini Yoga for a decade. I "should" have beaten this challnege already. But should is such a icky word...I've decided to stop the shame cycle and start approaching my daily practice with excitement and wonder.

I often get on a sadhana kick...praciticing every day for awhile (even sometimes practicing 2.5 hours a day for 40 days). But the longer term daily commitment seems to fade after time. I think there is a part of me that feel like I've done SO much work on myself already (and I have) that I just can't face anymore right now. But the truth is I've never experience this breath, this moment, this opportunity to heal myself at this level, on this day and in this way before.....So, I am here to recommit.

For the next 40 days I commit to practice yoga every day. The basis of my practice will be the recitation of Japji (one of my favorite prayers/chants from the Sikh faith) and 11 minutes of a Wahe Guru meditation given to me by Gurucharan Singh. The rest of the practice may shift day to day. There are so many things I want to do, such as: Pituitary Gland Series, Breathwalk, Camel-Rock-Baby etc....And I will blog about it each day. Even if the blog is just "I did it today."

In 4o days I will be packing up my life into my car and heading to Espanola, NM (the Mother Ashram) to work and serve for the summer. I feel like this time period will be a profound and clarifying for me and my Soul's journey. And I am excited to approach it with a childlike sense of wonder and joy. So, the most important part of my sadhana for the next 40 days will be cultivating that attitude of non-attachment but full involvement in the beauty of sitting on my mat each day and the blessing of allowing God/The Universe to be the doer in my life.

Day 10...er...14

_{I was going to write a blog 9 days ago called “Day 1” and reflect on how enormous it felt to be embarking on a 40 day commitment of 2 ½ hours of chanting every day. Well….somehow chanting for 2 ½ hours a day has cut down on my blog-writing time.}

_{[NOTE: I originally started THIS blog 8 days ago…so….whoops]}

_{Two of my friends in New Mexico decided to do this sadhana….40 days, every single day….chanting for 2 ½ hours, Ek Ong Kar Sat Nam Siri Wahe Guru! Yogi Bhajan called this the teachers sadhana and encouraged people to practice it. So….here we go.}

_{This mantra is chanted in many ways…the way we’re doing it is called “Long Ek Ong Kars.” “Morning Call,” “Long Chant,” or my favorite “Long Eks.” You chant the mantra on 2 ½ breaths (if you’ve ever been to early morning sadhana it is the first chant). Here’s my story with Long Ek’s….}

_{The first time I did this chant/meditation I HATED it. And I continued to hate it for quite some time (years, actually). Because you are chanting on your breath length it can be challenging to do in a group where everyone has different lung capacity….and it always just sort of….bugged me. Then I took a course in Rome where we did 37 ½ minutes of this meditation….and somehow during that 37 ½ minutes I totally and completely fell in love with Long Ek’s.}

_{In the past this mantra totally opens up the energy channels in my body and makes me feel activated and chill-axed at the same time. It has made me sharp thinking and I know it is clearing karmas and darkness from my aura. Whew!}

_{So here I go, embarking on 40 days. 1/10th of my day. Each and every day. Chanting.}

_{Day 1- Was WAY more blissful then I had anticipated. I was pretty zoned out by the end (I’m not actually sure how much I was chanting out loud during the last half hour)…but I really sort of loved it.}

_{Day 2- The first hour went great, I felt really solid…both physically and energetically…. The 2nd hour was tough….I got the fidgets. And a pretty serious case of ‘em. But somehow, I still made it through.}

_{Days 3,4 and 5 were all a mix of really blissful moments, moments where I hated the fact that I had agreed to do this, moments where I felt totally aligned with my life’s purpose and moments where I wanted to JUMP out of my skin just to get away from the uncomfortable sensation of being me at that moment.}

_{Day 6- I had a problem. I lead the Aquarian Sadhana at the YogaSoul center on Saturdays. This is a different 2 hour yoga and meditation practice. So far, every day I had been starting my chanting around 5am….but I was scheduled to be leading sadhan from 4:30-6:30am….and I knew it would be SO tricky to find 2 ½ hours to chant if I didn’t get it done first thing in the morning. I sent out the call for someone to cover sadhana for me…to no avail.}

_{Only one person showed up for the Aquarian Sadhana that morning…and by the grace of God, she thought it sounded like a good idea to chant Long Ek Ong Kars for 2 hours. Wahe Guru! So for the first time I split my time….I did 2 hours that morning….and then another 30 minutes later in the day.}

_{Somehow that one day of switching up the routine really threw me through a loop.}

_{The next 4 days I was only able to make myself get up with enough time to complete 1- 2 hours of chanting in the morning (I know, only 2 hours?!?!?)…so I always had to have at least 2 sittings to complete my time each day.}

_{And honestly, I don’t really like it that way. I know it sounds crazy but I would RATHER sit for 2 ½ hours at a time then spread it out over my whole day. For one, when I get up and do it before my day starts I don’t have the think about it. If I know I have another 30 minutes of chanting to do it is on my mind all day. For another, the meditation is different all at once. You have to get to a point of complete surrender when you’ve agreed to sit for 2 ½ hours…if you know you can get up in 28 minutes…it’s just…not the same.}

_{So that brings me to Day 11: I finally wrangled myself up and out of bed and completed my 2 ½ hours before leaving the house in the morning. It felt like a victory of sorts….but also not as sweet and blissful as I had expected (hoped?)}

_{Day 12: Good, solid morning practice.}

_{Day 13: Whoops. Off the horse again. Some combination of the late night hot bath, weird alarms on my iphone and just plain tiredness from a really busy day the day before, an early morning committment and a snow storm meant I didn’t chant AT ALL before I left the house that morning. Oh! No! Again, purely by the Grace of God I was still able to get it all in before the end of the day….and vowed that this was the end of this silliness….from now on every day, all 2 ½ hours DONE before I leave the house.}

_{Day 14- 17: Or not. Some times I get it all done in the morning. Some times not. Some times I feel super blissful and happy about it. Sometimes I feel so-gosh-darn-fidgety!! And that’s just during the meditation.}

_{In the rest of my life I can really feel the work this meditation is doing on me. Yogi Bhajan talked about how we have a wrong view of meditation. We think it is where we sit and experience bliss. But actually meditation is the house cleaning of our minds. When you clean your house it can get pretty nasty…and if you do a real thorough deep cleaning you realize even the surfaces you thought were clean are harboring dirt….and even surfaces you’ve cleaned before need to be cleaned again….and you even get into that deep dirt behind the refrigerator and everything. And while (yuck!) it is nasty during the cleaning process…isn’t it lovely to have it done.}

_{Same thing in meditation. So I’ve agreed to a real, deep, serious clean out. I sit in meditation each day….and then for the rest of my day I am looking at all the crud, dirt and ickiness I’ve been moving out of my mind, heart and energetic field. So, it’s not pleasant. And I’m having a hard time being nice and gentle to myself in this process.}

_{I have to say each day “it’s ok, no one expects you to be perfect, you’re doing a good job.“ and sometimes I believe it and sometimes I don’t. But I try to say it to myself anyway.}

_{I do believe this process is a unique and beautiful healing experience for me. And I do believe in the end I will love to walk into my clean, organized and happy home (meaning my Self).}

_{And, I also know that you don’t just clean a house once. So while this particular meditation will be done for me on December 10th….I can guarantee on December 11th I’ll be on my mat again meditating, cleaning, praying and growing.}

_{Thank you all for reading and for your support (tangible or energetic) during this time. I am grateful to have you in my life. Stay tuned for more updates.}

_{Sat Nam}

_Nirmal