Deep Thoughts on Turning 27

Lets take a vote. Is 27 the last year of your mid-twenties or the first year of your late twenties? In general I don’t think (or care) much about the exact age I am. In fact, usually when people ask me I have to take a few moments to think about it before answering. But every year around my birthday (yesterday!) is like an awakening of WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE 27!?!?!?!?

It’s silly. I know. It doesn’t MEAN anything to be 27. Just like it doesn’t MEAN anything to be 10 or 81 or 105. It’s just a chronological statement of how long I’ve been in this body, on this planet. But…still…there are these culturally indoctrinated (totally artificial) expectations for certain ages. Have I accomplished those things I am SUPPOSED to have done by age 27? Am I living up to my own (or our societies, or God’s) expectations of me?

For me the answer is, Yes. I am living my destiny. And while that may not look like our culturally projected life (husband, house, kids) …it is what’s right for this Soul’s journey. I’ve been reading a lot lately about the Saturn Return. This is a huge astrological event that happens when Saturn returns to the exact place of your birth. It officially happens around 29 but the effects start to be felt around (oh no!) 27. I’m no astrologer, but my understanding of this event is something like this.

The Saturn return is like a second adolescence a shedding of traits, characteristic or circumstances that do not truly fit the person you’re meant to be in this life. You’re Saturn Return brings you into alignment with the next phase of your life and your Authentic Destiny. And here’s the key if you fight it/try to hang on to what ‘used to be’ you’re gonna get crushed. If you relax into and embrace the new clearer more authentic version of yourself that’s trying to come through (while it may still be a challenging time) you’re going to be invigorated and enlivened by the transition.

So, here’s hoping I can enjoy the last year of my MID-twenties and ride the wave of the first year of my Saturn Return with Grace.

Down Time…Update and Musings

I’ve had more down time in the past 2 weeks than I’ve had in a long time. It has been fun and novel to make plans to do fun things, to have long lingering lunches, watch movies in the middle of the day and spend time hanging with friends.

I went to Pagosa Hot Spring, a resort town in Southern Colorado, for a few days with my dear friend Sat Jot Kaur. All we did for 3 days was soak in healing waters, hike to beautiful waterfalls and eat yummy food. After working hard, long hours and doing lots of organizing and coordinating for the past 6 weeks it was lovely to just be simple and relaxed for a few days.

Since then I’ve been trying to enjoy my down time and also really enjoy the things to enjoy in Northern New Mexico. I’ve taken naps, went to the Flea Market, spent a day at Ojo Caliente, watched the last Harry Potter movie at midnight (yes!), gone swing dancing, exchanged bodywork, spent a day shopping in Santa Fe…and lots of lounging.

I’ve been pondering the idea of companionship lately. I realize that while I am happy to spend the day solo enjoying a good book and yummy tea at a coffee shop…. And while I have amazing friends who are entertaining, insightful and loving…even with these things I still sometimes experience that nasty feeling of loneliness. I know that the infinite universe/God is with me, loving me and keeping me company in each moment. So, why does my human body/mind still feel the need for more? What is the Universal Longing to Belong really all about? In my intellectual mind I can understand the human desire to feel seen and connected to other human beings. I can understand the inner child still seeking the validation or recognition of its importance…but when that feeling creeps into your gut the harshness of it…the weight of it…still takes my breath away.

The interesting (dare I say, cool) thing now is that I can have this experience without identifying with it. I’m not sure how I can explain it other than it’s like I am both the actor having the experience and feeling those things AND the observer watching the experience without being attached to them or what they mean. And, I know that these “negative” emotions will pass….and “positive” emotions will come…and doubt will come…and joy will come…and sadness will come…and life will come. And life will keep going….and I can keep up…and enjoy the ride. When I remember that I am not the doer….God is the doer….I am the enjoyer.

I’ve been describing this time of my life as a wave of transition…often saying that I don’t know exactly where the wave is bringing me but I know I’ve got to ride it. My job is just to trust that all will be taken care of. My job is just to take each step when it is shown to me and to trust and love along the way. So that what I’ll do.

And today that step is going to see some of the beautiful works of Georgia O’Keefe at her museum in Santa Fe!

Consciously Communicating Capers

Immediately after Summer Solstice I headed down the mountain to take up my role at the Course Coordinator for a 1-week Level 2 Teacher Training course. There were 77 yoga teachers, 5 trainers, 3 staff people and a partridge in a pear tree gathering together to study Conscious Communication.

This was my first year in this particular role…so to be nice to myself I’ll just say I learned a lot of lessons. My job was logistics….food, registration, paperwork, coordinating various elements of the course, making announcements etc. The course ran great (in no small part due to the wonderful trainers, the wise and gracious students and a welcoming sangat). While the perfectionist within me always knows that things could be better I feel grateful that the course overall ran well.

Oh right, except for one little, tiny thing…the largest wildfire in New Mexico history burning within several miles of our location. At the same time as the course I was running there were two other camps (International Women’s Camp and Khalsa Youth Camp), which were happening at Ram Das Puri (the Solstice Site). However, on the first night of the course I got a call at 11 PM that they were evacuating the site and the women and children would be sleeping in our classroom for the night. Yikes! (I should mention at this point they were evacuating due to the oppressive smoke).

We spent the next 2 days in flurry of trying to re-organize all of our activities (and kitchen use!) so that we could accommodate more than 100 women and children in the spaces available at the Ashram. By the grace of God (and the welcoming heart of the Espanola Sangat) it all worked out with only minimal bumps (not enough breakfast one morning!). We were never in immediate danger of the fire itself…but we certainly did smell (and feel the effects) of the smoke.

The scariest moment was when we heard the fire was within miles of Ram Das Puri (the solstice site). This was scary for me not because I ever feared for my personal safety…but because the land where we hold Summer Solstice every year is incredibly healing, powerful, sacred, special land. The thought of one of my favorite places in the world burning was deeply sad for me. However, the community sprung into action. We started doing the healing meditation every day before lunch (with all 3 camps!) and people all over the world….and (again by God’s grace) the fire never got any closer than a few miles from the Solstice Site. Wahe Guru! (Wow! The Infinite Universe is Amazing Beyond Words!)

Solstice and the Level 2 course had really taken a lot out of me. I had been working 8-12 hour days every day for about a month…and I was fried. Stay tuned for more on my rejuvenation at Pagosa Springs and the other shenanigans I’ve been getting into in New Mexico!

Land of Enchantment- Part 1

I told several people before I left Minnesota that I felt like I was at the beginning of a big wave of change in my life….but I wasn’t sure where that wave would take me. I now feel like I am in the midst of that wave…a full-scale reorganization of my psyche/life…and I still have no idea where that wave is headed. What I do know is that I am in exactly the right place for this moment of my life. I know that I made the right choice in trusting in God/The Universe and jumping headlong into this murky, wandering-wave world.

I’ve been in New Mexico for almost two months now….which is hard to believe. While it has been an extremely busy time…it has been equally rewarding. When I first arrived I was working for 2 different organizations. 3HO, which organizes the annual Summer Solstice Celebration and KRI which hosts the Level 2 Teacher Training course just after Solstice. (This may give you some idea as to why I haven’t been blogging yet….2 full time jobs sure does eat up your time).

Summer Solstice was a wonderful experience. It was challenging for me because I was working a lot during the event….which meant that I didn’t get to enjoy many yoga classes, social time etc. While I love being of service and holding the “behind the scenes” space at Solstice I did really miss a lot of the other elements of the event this year. Even so, Solstice is such a sweet time for me to be in the larger Sangat (spiritual community). I love being in Sadhana (early morning practice), taking a yoga class or sitting in Tantric lines with several hundred people. It is lovely to be reminded that there are many more wonderful people out there doing their best to walk on the path of consciousness.

I have more down time the next few weeks so I’m planning to blog a bit more….stay tuned for more about the Level 2 Course and the FIRE!