Friday, July 22, 2011

Down Time…Update and Musings


I’ve had more down time in the past 2 weeks than I’ve had in a long time. It has been fun and novel to make plans to do fun things, to have long lingering lunches, watch movies in the middle of the day and spend time hanging with friends.

I went to Pagosa Hot Spring, a resort town in Southern Colorado, for a few days with my dear friend Sat Jot Kaur. All we did for 3 days was soak in healing waters, hike to beautiful waterfalls and eat yummy food. After working hard, long hours and doing lots of organizing and coordinating for the past 6 weeks it was lovely to just be simple and relaxed for a few days.

Since then I’ve been trying to enjoy my down time and also really enjoy the things to enjoy in Northern New Mexico. I’ve taken naps, went to the Flea Market, spent a day at Ojo Caliente, watched the last Harry Potter movie at midnight (yes!), gone swing dancing, exchanged bodywork, spent a day shopping in Santa Fe…and lots of lounging.

I’ve been pondering the idea of companionship lately. I realize that while I am happy to spend the day solo enjoying a good book and yummy tea at a coffee shop…. And while I have amazing friends who are entertaining, insightful and loving…even with these things I still sometimes experience that nasty feeling of loneliness. I know that the infinite universe/God is with me, loving me and keeping me company in each moment. So, why does my human body/mind still feel the need for more? What is the Universal Longing to Belong really all about? In my intellectual mind I can understand the human desire to feel seen and connected to other human beings. I can understand the inner child still seeking the validation or recognition of its importance…but when that feeling creeps into your gut the harshness of it…the weight of it…still takes my breath away.

The interesting (dare I say, cool) thing now is that I can have this experience without identifying with it. I’m not sure how I can explain it other than it’s like I am both the actor having the experience and feeling those things AND the observer watching the experience without being attached to them or what they mean. And, I know that these “negative” emotions will pass….and “positive” emotions will come…and doubt will come…and joy will come…and sadness will come…and life will come. And life will keep going….and I can keep up…and enjoy the ride. When I remember that I am not the doer….God is the doer….I am the enjoyer.

I’ve been describing this time of my life as a wave of transition…often saying that I don’t know exactly where the wave is bringing me but I know I’ve got to ride it. My job is just to trust that all will be taken care of. My job is just to take each step when it is shown to me and to trust and love along the way. So that what I’ll do.

And today that step is going to see some of the beautiful works of Georgia O’Keefe at her museum in Santa Fe!

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